I had another vicious attack of insomnia again last night, and it took me nine hours of consciousness (more like somnambulation) to realize there'd been a reason for it. I was working on a project today, missed lunch because I couldn't get away, and was dead in my seat by around 3pm. The combination of falling blood sugar and critically low seritonin levels took away my sense of visual perspective. I was trying to decide if my chair was really swaying slowly, like the conn of a large ship in open ocean swells. Or if it was just me and my bad head. I had my playlist on and tuned for what I thought I needed. Lotta trip-hop and electro—Adult., Miss Kittin, Laika, Laub and Lamb. Then the randomizer put on Kosheen's "Let Go" and I remembered that I hadn't slept because I'd been thinking about Loraine. It had just been one moment—just a flash of memory as I was struggling to drift off—a trip to LA three and a half years ago, when she'd once rested her head on my shoulder, delicate, fragile... And so much for sleeping. I guess I finally drifted off around five (I heard the morning paper come crashing through the door slot). By the time the alarm rang an hour and a half later, I'd forgotten everything till the Kosheen lyrics brought it back...
I won’t forget you, I won’t, I won’t forget your smile
Or how you’d taken me
I won’t forget
I let you walk with me, take me home
Because the light is so dark when you’re alone
I let you down
I let you down
I let you go
Oh won’t you let me be myself?
I want to be myself.
I won’t forget you, I won’t forget you
I let you down
I let you down
I let you go
When your friend dies you always feel you could have done more. It seems like a long time since I've thought of her.