I feel her looking at me. Her eyes were silently tearing up again. Does she always have to cry like that? Silently and stonily, like I am the one who hurt her? I turn and lurch through the crowd. Out into the parking lot away from the womb of the club into the light misting rain. It coats me inside and out as I breath it in. I feel the music draining out of my head. Goth kids everywhere, watching interested in the drama unfolding.

I hear her calling out my name. Yeah. That will stop me.

I can't stop seeing her on our bed with those two men. One behind her fucking her with all his might, eyes closed, head thrown back, meaty hands on her hips. The other before her holding her head as she nosily sucked him off. I remember just standing dumbfounded in the hallway caught between unrealized fantasies and the shock of seeing them in the flesh. In her flesh, my flesh

I turned and walked out of the hallway and into the living room. Why am I shocked? She told me she was a sex addict. Told me, ha! More like showed me glorious carnal pleasures that I thought would never stop. I thought it changed with the words "I love you." The time invested in us. I thought it was just for me. All that time wasted.

I sat on the couch and waited for them to finish. Eventually they did.

I almost wish I had gotten out the Polaroid to capture the look on her face. A mix of emotions: classic, dumbfounded, and comical.

The men were confused, but alert enough to know what they had just walked into excused themselves hurriedly. Maybe it was the pictures of us on the wall that clued them in. I just went to the bedroom and gathered my favorite things in a small backpack, and headed for the door. The smell of sex in the room and on her was overwhelming. I thought I might puke. She tried to block me, apologize, and plead. I just laughed and pushed my way out the door. I felt numb.

After two days of seeking refuge with friends in the Quarter I made the decision. There would be no more hiding from her or myself. The heat and humidity oppressive, my thoughts even more so. It was time for me to go. After I made a couple of phone calls, I decided to go to the club just to say goodbye. God I would miss it, my home away from home.

To get to this club you had to go through the touristy parts of the Quarter, the people down here were amazing. Drunk and crass but ready to try anything once.

This old couple up on the curb caught my attention. Both sets of eyes heavenward, turning I saw the girl leaning over the second floor balcony baring her chest to the crowd below. It made me laugh. I would miss this.

Turning off the main drag I made my way down the side street until I came to an opening that was just wide enough to walk through. Moving between two tall, damp, buildings I finally came to the hidden courtyard of the club. The bouncer wouldn't take my money, just slapped a drink stamp on my hand and motioned me inside.

The heavy, noisy music greeted me. Deep bass noises re-adjusting my heart, forcing me to move. At the bar I grabbed a Red Stripe and headed to the back were private booths were set into the walls like prison cells. Minutes later Spider slumped next me in the booth.

"You really want to go?" He asked motioning to my bag. I nodded and he smiled.

"The boat is ready whenever you are." He told me. "Soon." Was all I said. He scooted back out of my booth and into the darkness of the dance floor. I could see him moving to the music in the smoky light.

I hate going back to the swamp.

My back burned with an intense sharpness. My glamour was wearing thin. I didnœt have the heart to keep it up anymore. My wings blurred in and out of consciousness.

When I told Him that I wanted to experience human kind He laughed in my face. He told me "You will be sorry, they always let you down."

He said "They are animals. That is all they know how to be. Do you see them rutting, killing, raping? It is Pitiful. You are Pitiful." I shook my head.

"I just want to understand, I want to feel something beside wanting."

"Get out of my sight." He said "You disgust me." I had left that night.

Why does He always have to be right?

Movement on the dance floor caught my eye.

Oh my.

There she is.

Definitely time to go.