New Overheard Comments...

Did she say she had PhotoShop? Because I have this mole on my breast.
Overheard on the street in Belltown, Seattle

I'm gonna buy a Toyota Prius and then drive drunk...
Two guys on the street on Broadway, Capitol Hill

Los Angeles... God I hate Los Angeles.
Guy in a coffee shop, downtown Seattle

I mean, I'm not gonna stop talking to him just because he has a conscience...
One girl to another at the Voxtrot/Tullycraft show at Neumo's, November 2007

- (girl) My vision has gotten really bad in the last year. I'm starting to think there's something wrong with me. I hope I don't have syphilis.
- (guy) Well, uh, I hope so too since we just started sleeping together.
- (girl) Check your vision in two weeks and then call me.
Overheard at the Voxtrot/Tullycraft show at Neumo's, November 2007

- Eyaaagh!!
- What's wrong?
- Somebody put meat in my croissant!
Overheard in the workplace

Remember when you met your wife for lunch at her job, and afterwards her coworkers were like, 'you know, you really shouldn't feed the homeless people,' and she was like 'Oh, that was my husband.'
Overheard at the Tullycraft show at El Corazon, December 2007

From Art-Damage 2000 San Francisco...

"Next on the Real World: 'Yeah dude, I had such a spiritual connection with everyone on the bus in San Francisco, and then we passed around a joint...'"
-Punk rock girl on the 71-Haight, sarcastically complaining about some crunchies in the back of the bus playing bongos and a digeridoo.

"Wait, I've only got one ball? Shit! No wonder that chick looked at me funny!"
-Overheard in the audience at a performance art show.

"ASS OR $1.00."
-Readout on the display of a malfunctioning Muni turnstile in Powell Street Station.

"I hate those little stubby guys with the big heads. Give me killers and psychos! That's when you know you're getting your money's worth..."
-A co-worker describing his taste in Japanese animation.

"Does this guy know how to speak English, or just Hip-hop?"
-A record label employee after a marketing meeting.

"His heart's in the right place, but his head is up his ass."
-Overheard in the workplace.

-"If you see the coffee's finished...
-Then why the Fuck don't you...
-Make another pot?"
-Employee in a company break room, singing to a country music melody.

"I just gotta tell you- that salt lick smells like heaven."
-Woman admiring the aroma of a shrimp-flavored cup of ramen noodle.

"Those were NOT crappy songs from the eighties! Those were anthems from my childhood!"
-Some guy defending Cheap Trick.

"Tonight I'm gonna drink another drink and smoke another joint, but TOMORROW... I'll be clean."
-Guy on the corner of Church and Market, to a buddy.

"My ex-boyfriend was a vegetarian."
-"Oh no..." (spoken with a mixture of disgust and compassion)
-Two women at Mifune restaurant in Japantown.

"They should make a Keith Richards Pez dispenser. You pop his head up and a quaalude comes out."
-Overheard in the workplace.

"They're so beautiful..."
-A girl at her first Stereolab concert (their show at the Warfield May 17).

"I'm With Flaccid."
-Inscription on a guy's T-shirt at the Stereolab show.

"What's another word for 'college?'"
-"I don't know, 'hell,' 'jail,' 'eternacamp?'"
-"So I take it your experiences with higher education weren't good ones?"
-Overheard in the workplace.

"Please refrain from vilifying Muni."
-A sticker affixed to the inside of a Muni light rail car.

"...Artificial inseminiation! Biological warfare! Venereal disease! Stanford University!..."
-Excerpt from a raving lunatic's rant on the train platform in Redwood City.

"That guy's got a mongoloid sidekick. How come I don't have a mongoloid sidekick?"
-Overheard in a Dunkin' Donuts in Boston.

"Put your shoes on for god's sake! You're spreading parasites, man..."
-Overheard in the workplace.

"SHUT UP & SHUT THE FUCK UP.COM!"
-Grafitti in the men's bogs in a bar in San Francisco, beneath an ad for yet another dot-com startup.

"New York, huh? I dunno- even the vampires can't find parking..."
-Overheard at bank of payphones, Vancouver, Canada.

"You feel so much better than my wife."
-Overheard at a rave in SoMa.

"I'd rather use a paddle than a whip, cause I don't wanna leave marks."
-"Oh, they'll appreciate that."
-Two women talking on a bench at the San Francisco State campus.

"I will stomp you down, you dork! You are weak and Henry Rollins is strong! Henry is so strong he could snap your thin and not-strong body in half!"
-Overheard on LitBoard.

"I'm not gonna open up a can of whup-ass, I'm gonna open up a whole case!"
-The X-files guy on the corner of Church and Duboce.

"So was this planned or was it an accident?"
-A woman, matter of factly, to her pregnant friend.

"He was black. I'm tellin' you man, Buddha was black."
-A Rastafarian trying to convince a clearly dubious Asian guy by the Castro Street underground stop.

"Are you paying with cash?"
"Nah. Cash is outta style."
-Sharp PoMo girl to the checkout guy, in Safeway.

"He was kind of like the agitator in a washing machine."
-Girl waiting on line at the AMC Kabuki movie theater.

"Man is a bad animal. Capitalism is a bad idea. America is a bad thing."
-Inscription on an American flag sticker on the inside of a N-line streetcar.

"NEED CASH FOR WEED"
-Cardboard-sign guy on Goff Street.

"You remember that night when he was feeling you up? I guess that was back before he was gay."
"No, he was gay then too..."
-Two women waiting for a stoplight on Market Street.

"Hey, Kinetic Boy!"
-Drop dead gorgeous bartender in Lucky 13, trying to get a patron's attention.

"So why am I always the one who has to look like the whore?"
-Agitated blonde girl to her female companion, on Valencia Street.

"You know Superbooty is running for mayor. Lotta people are voting for him. You should vote for him. You should vote for Superbooty."
-Teenage stoner on the 6 Parnassus bus, to his buddy.

-Diagram found drawn on a college whiteboard, its purpose and denotation unknown.

"When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor."
-Tokyo car rental firm brochure.

"Is there some kind of weird asbestos vapor in here?"
-Sean Lennon, during the October 9 Cibo Matto show in San Francisco.

"I may be a misogynist, but at least I'm not a fascist."
-Overheard in the workplace.

"...and if I do that, I'm going to let my penis CONSUME me!"
-Overheard by the Safeway on Market.

"Of course you shouldn't inject drugs into your penis, but..."
-Overheard in the Castro.

"Here I ammmmm... at my jooob... I am soooo happyyyy...."
-Hip girl working the cash machine at the big art store on Market, singing under her breath.

"We've GOT to find you a lesbian..."
-Guy talking to his female friend while walking down Mission Street.

"The only things that are the least bit enticing about that situation are the weapons and the footwear."
-An acquaintance visiting from New York, pondering enlistment in the United States Marines.

"Oh yeah, cops love it when you talk to them using a pirate voice."
-Two techies talking behind the scenes at the 1999 Seybold conference.

"I'm gonna go work for Smiling Zhiang!"
-Some (unemployed) punk kid on the 22-Fillmore bus, referring to a notorious local dentist.

"Cigarettes for everyone! That's gonna be my new campaign!"
-Overheard in Manhattan.

"The whole point of life is equalizing what you've experienced with what you've lost."
-A drunk at a party.

"Everything your grandparents told you was designed to save your life.
If someone asks you, 'Do you want to be famous?,' answer 'no.'
If someone asks you, 'Are you employable?,' answer 'yes.'
If someone asks you 'Are you aware of any conspiracies,' answer 'none whatsover.'"
-Accosted by Helmet-head Man in Berkeley and advised to listen to his words of wisdom.

"You will win prizes in contests testing your ability to answer questions."
-A fortune cookie received at a Berkeley restaurant. (It would have made more sense in L.A.)

"...and who in hell knows what a hedgehog is supposed to taste like anyway."
-A girl with an English accent on the 22-Filmore bus.

"There is no show July 29th. Go Fuck yourselves."
-Notice for patrons, posted on the door of the infamous 924 Gilman punk club.

"It's like playing the lottery, except, you know, the BAD one."
-A commuter describing his unease at travelling over the collapse-prone Bay Bridge while waiting for the next earthquake.

"Fuck All European Concepts!"
-Apparently isolationist graffiti at the corner of 14th and Mission.

"It's your head- it's like, too large or something..."
-Overheard at a party in the Santa Cruz hills.

"He who suffers remembers."
-Words scratched on the wall of the Doctor Bombay bar.

"Just don't order the 'raton special'- OK?"
-Guy on Haight Street warning his friend before entering a burrito joint.

"OK, you take that guy and I'll take the one in the turban."
-Woman talking to her friend on a crowded 22-Filmore bus.

"Buzz. Buzz. It's made by bees. How could you NOT like it?"
-Woman in an Ethiopian restaurant in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

"The words have changed the grasshopper lies heavy."
-Words written on the inside window of an N-line streetcar.

"Damn! I would even go STRAIGHT for a night just to sleep with her!"
-A guy at the December 10 Saint Etienne show (referring to Sarah Cracknell).

"My longest shit, it was a two hour shit."
-Overheard (in a Spanish accent) on 16th Street near Mission.

"I wonder what happened?"
"...Oh, a big UFO must have landed."
-Two people milling around on Duboce Ave during the big December 8 blackout.

"Don't you EVER disparage my person again!"
-One teenage skatepunk yelling at another while horsing around in Montgomery Station.

"Smoking can inhibit all bodily functions. ALL of them."
"...Well, at least I can still get a hard on."
-Debate, between two guys, over smoking cigarettes and pot.

"Come on the face! Come on the face!"
-Television host asking for a tight camera shot of her guest's face.

"Trick or treat! ...Got any spare drugs?"
-Overheard in a crowd during the Castro Street Halloween festivities.

"Jeez, I don't ever act like that and I AM a woman."
-A dismayed yuppie watching part of the drag contingent during the Castro Street Halloween festivities.

"That's right... no more beef for you!"
-An Asian guy on Castro Street, talking to his guilty-looking little beagle.

"I think my face is caving in even more..."
-An LSD casualty on Church Street, examining his reflection in a shop window.

"...And he was pushin' his cart like Satan was chasin' him!"
-Overheard in South Park in regards to the Mexican Ice Cream man.

"You realize I'm expecting Jesus in a cup."
-Overheard in Santa Cruz, regarding mocha shakes at the local Koffee Hut.

"It sounds like torture."
-A Jazz-fan co-worker, upon hearing Joy Division for the first time.

"Next stop- Montgomery Station! The Financial District; streets of the Mean Green... They'll either make you or break you... Let's go make some money!"
-An especially jolly Muni driver, calling out stops during morning rush hour.

"Hey, get out of here, man... They have long black knives and they will murder you!"
-Delusional street person on the corner of Market and Noe.

"You ever notice that when you get chased by cops, you run faster?"
-Bar Fly in Noc Noc, trying to chat up one of the bar's lovelier patrons.

"Hey Evan Dando- Fuck You!"
-A drunk at a party, yelling at the television while watching MTV.

"Oh yeah, definitely should've worn underwear today..."
-Woman overheard while walking downtown (on a chilly day).

"Hey, don't badmouth barbarians... Barbarians have knocked over some of the worst civilizations in history."
-Overheard in the workplace.

"Oh, I've been doing that with my tongue since I was thirteen."
-One party girl to another inside the Doctor Bombay bar.

"It either turns to love or to fear..."
-Snippet of conversation overheard at Whole Life Expo.

"I turn around (and it's fear)... I turn around again (and it's love)..."
-Laurie Anderson, from "Sharkey's Day," first track on the Mister Heartbreak album.

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